What you feel in your stomach before you spontaneously combust has yet to be documented, but this comes close.

We had ESU competition on Sunday. Ahh! None of us won, but we did the best we could. Raouia and Ashlei were really good and I'm really bummed that we didn't get anything. Oh well.

We talked to the judges for feedback and I got some legitimate, helpful comments but I was upset when one judge told me I didn't really fit Lady Percy--which is a perfectly valid statement, but one of his reasons was that "Lady are usually this high--because their princes are this high." If my being under 5 feet tall was one of the reasons he said I didn't fit the part--that's offensive. I know that my height makes me more fitting for sprite or fairy characters or whatever, but why can't ladies be petite? What if the princes are short? Napoleon didn't tower over many people but he was still a mighty military force--it is quite possible for Hotspur or even Hal to be not-tall. And when he actioned with his hand, he made the lady much taller than me and the prince even taller--why can't ladies be taller than their princes? The same height? It's just an unfair comment but otherwise I got some valid, helpful feedback.

We have Decathlon dinner tomorrow. =O I'm excited, anxious, nervous, and all those things.

Anyway, I was talking to my favorite English teacher, Mr. O'Shaughnessy, about how I want to write something of significance before I get "all educated" at college--I want to have a really good piece that reflects my youth and my ideals before this age leaves me and I become someone else. If I become less idealistic (or more so), if I change writing styles, or if in some highly unlikely/improbable/impossible event I decide I don't really want to write (or if I unfortunately die before I can really write anything again) I want to have at least this will-exist piece. At least I'm hoping.

Right now I'm slightly scared to work on Copley because of the things in it that come true in my real life as I work on it. I might just be making too many connections or I'm just too afraid to continue actually writing it. At least I'm aware that I might be trying to brainwash myself. I was just watching A Raisin in the Sun (really good, by the way) and one of the lines that stood out to me was...I think Walter Lee or someone else was saying to Beneatha, "You're the first person in the history of the world to successfully brainwash herself." I'm not sure if I should brainwash myself or not, which probably means it hasn't been working so far.

Really I'd like to do a short story--longer than what I usually do, but still short. Sustaining a level of creativity is so hard for me sometimes. I'm burning to do it, but my mind goes wild with ideas. I'm hoping to meditate on my own experiences and perhaps draw from Brothers Grimm or some other great sources. (P.S. Shakespeare's influence is showing in my work--my op-ed for Applied Journalism was called "Ocular Proof", for goodness' sake.) Joelle bought me the Brothers' complete works and I hope to read all of them and maybe really study a few of them. We were reading Merchant of Venice in Shakespeare and I was able to bring up two Grimm tales I had read recently, "The Jew Among Thorns" and "The Good Bargain", which are both pretty anti-Semetic, more in their unjust conclusions than in the portrayal of their characters, which could allude to some sympathy for the Jews, who are outdone by jerks/idiots, so maybe they aren't as bad as they sound.

I'd still like to pursue screenwriting but I really do need to read screenplays, etc. and really learn how to do it well. I need to at least watch more movies. Which reminds me to watch Battle Royale as I intended.

I had a Japanese movie marathon a few weeks ago; the movies I watched were very good: Boku wa Imouto ni Koi wo Suru (although it was insanely slow at the beginning, it was very touching in the end), and Death Note and its sequel, Death Note: The Last Name. I'd really like to see Roshoumon (I think that's the name), L: Change the WorLd, Nana, O-re-sa-ma, and a whole bunch of other movies. But I think I'll probably watch Battle Royale first. Asian cinema is so great.

But yes, I'm bubbling inside.

mission accomplished

partially, anyway.

in mock trial we uhm...were cruel to hudson school, wrecked high tech, and killed union hill, but alas, did not own bayonne. we were very close, though. we made it all the way to finals and we gave it our A-game, but i guess it wasn't enough. =/ oh well.

aaron was sad because he was no longer undefeated. my personal record is 3-1, which is all right with me. and aaron gave me one of the best compliments i've ever received--"between you and my sister, i learned from the best." =) it makes me really happy because both miriam and aaron are really great.

another great compliment i was given was from mark who said, "i'm glad i know my best friend is a virgin." not only because he's sure of my chastity, but it's nice to be called someone's best friend. =D

everyone did such a great job for mock trial. christine and aaron were fierce and brought out their best against bayonne, semira grew so much and was absolutely amazing. i think i did well, too. haha. and all our witnesses were awesome. ashlei is a worthy second-generation fani. both are so passionate and so great, perhaps the best witnesses i've seen. shah and amro were awesome experts and i'm just amazed that amro learned his stuff so quickly and was so good. he was a fitting b. f. skinner. i love sarah and it's nice to know that mock trial has a great future; she's going to be a great attorney and i fully endorse her, and even if she decides to only be a witness next year, she'll still be great. and of course, mark proved to be a great witness as i knew he'd be. he was the best crier there. =)

and we had decathlon yesterday. kirsten made us all t-shirts! i'm glad we finally have decathlon shirts, lol i came up with the slogan because we couldn't think of anything else. the theme is civil war, so i suggested "for scores and medals, here we go." sometimes i worry that people won't get aural puns. like in my speech, which i was editing until 4:30 AM the day of the competition and had to memorize quickly, i say, "we grew quite close. we were like two Bs in a Bach." i think the judges got it.

i think we did well, but we won't know for sure until tuesday. i hope and pray we go to states. i owe all my success to God and i'm hoping that we're meant to go on to states again this year. please, Lord!

we learn who won speech and essay on monday, though. i'm defending champ for the essay category so i'm really hoping i get it again. but who knows? as long as i earned the team a good amount of points i'll be happy. i'm aiming for 7,000 points, i guess, just so i can better myself. (last year regionals was about 6,700, i think).

now i will have time to write! yay!