What you feel in your stomach before you spontaneously combust has yet to be documented, but this comes close.

We had ESU competition on Sunday. Ahh! None of us won, but we did the best we could. Raouia and Ashlei were really good and I'm really bummed that we didn't get anything. Oh well.

We talked to the judges for feedback and I got some legitimate, helpful comments but I was upset when one judge told me I didn't really fit Lady Percy--which is a perfectly valid statement, but one of his reasons was that "Lady are usually this high--because their princes are this high." If my being under 5 feet tall was one of the reasons he said I didn't fit the part--that's offensive. I know that my height makes me more fitting for sprite or fairy characters or whatever, but why can't ladies be petite? What if the princes are short? Napoleon didn't tower over many people but he was still a mighty military force--it is quite possible for Hotspur or even Hal to be not-tall. And when he actioned with his hand, he made the lady much taller than me and the prince even taller--why can't ladies be taller than their princes? The same height? It's just an unfair comment but otherwise I got some valid, helpful feedback.

We have Decathlon dinner tomorrow. =O I'm excited, anxious, nervous, and all those things.

Anyway, I was talking to my favorite English teacher, Mr. O'Shaughnessy, about how I want to write something of significance before I get "all educated" at college--I want to have a really good piece that reflects my youth and my ideals before this age leaves me and I become someone else. If I become less idealistic (or more so), if I change writing styles, or if in some highly unlikely/improbable/impossible event I decide I don't really want to write (or if I unfortunately die before I can really write anything again) I want to have at least this will-exist piece. At least I'm hoping.

Right now I'm slightly scared to work on Copley because of the things in it that come true in my real life as I work on it. I might just be making too many connections or I'm just too afraid to continue actually writing it. At least I'm aware that I might be trying to brainwash myself. I was just watching A Raisin in the Sun (really good, by the way) and one of the lines that stood out to me was...I think Walter Lee or someone else was saying to Beneatha, "You're the first person in the history of the world to successfully brainwash herself." I'm not sure if I should brainwash myself or not, which probably means it hasn't been working so far.

Really I'd like to do a short story--longer than what I usually do, but still short. Sustaining a level of creativity is so hard for me sometimes. I'm burning to do it, but my mind goes wild with ideas. I'm hoping to meditate on my own experiences and perhaps draw from Brothers Grimm or some other great sources. (P.S. Shakespeare's influence is showing in my work--my op-ed for Applied Journalism was called "Ocular Proof", for goodness' sake.) Joelle bought me the Brothers' complete works and I hope to read all of them and maybe really study a few of them. We were reading Merchant of Venice in Shakespeare and I was able to bring up two Grimm tales I had read recently, "The Jew Among Thorns" and "The Good Bargain", which are both pretty anti-Semetic, more in their unjust conclusions than in the portrayal of their characters, which could allude to some sympathy for the Jews, who are outdone by jerks/idiots, so maybe they aren't as bad as they sound.

I'd still like to pursue screenwriting but I really do need to read screenplays, etc. and really learn how to do it well. I need to at least watch more movies. Which reminds me to watch Battle Royale as I intended.

I had a Japanese movie marathon a few weeks ago; the movies I watched were very good: Boku wa Imouto ni Koi wo Suru (although it was insanely slow at the beginning, it was very touching in the end), and Death Note and its sequel, Death Note: The Last Name. I'd really like to see Roshoumon (I think that's the name), L: Change the WorLd, Nana, O-re-sa-ma, and a whole bunch of other movies. But I think I'll probably watch Battle Royale first. Asian cinema is so great.

But yes, I'm bubbling inside.