reevaluation

There are few things more...unsettling and disappointing than reading a negative review of the work of someone you dearly love and admire, especially if you admire them for the skill involved in producing the work.

Actually there are many things more unsettling and disappointing, but finding your mentors (and possibly, taste) insulted never feels good. And of course, more upsetting is when you can't agree or disagree because you haven't seen the work yourself and have trusted its quality. Plus, if you're only as good as your teacher...have you been misled into accidentally limiting your own potential all along?

I won't mention names or works, but this is the second time this has happened to me and it's distressing.

There are many people who probably hate my work and about a billion who would agree but it's nice to not know that. And if I succeed enough to be in a position where at least some of my critics are published, then I should theoretically be satisfied.

But it's still really sad.


Our NJCU skit is called "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Wed." =) I don't like that it gives away the ending, but it's cute. We had our first really serious rehearsal today and I was directing most of it and thank God, Bansri and Aaron were there for when I missed things and we all took turns filling in for people who couldn't come. I always get nervous directing because I feel like a jerk, mostly because I wonder if they believe I have the authority and if I even do have the authority after all.

This is my fourth production this year alone so you'd think I'd have some confidence. But then I think about how for Strawberry I only wrote, for Twelfth Night I had Massiel to be a solid producer and get most of the details done like props and such, for Murder at Vinnie's we had a much smaller cast. I know I can pull things off, I'm just don't think I'm doing the best job I could, honestly. Hopefully I pull this to the fullest. I have to remember, failure is so 60s mod--then again, failure was never cool in the first place.

I am glad, though, that I've done a whole Shakespeare play before and Murder at Vinnie's, which was a total rush job, especially direction-wise. So now I should be able to do a Shakespearean rush job, right? I hope. And this time, we have people who should be used to Shakespare text, the pressure from it being a class project, people with great theatre experience like Bansri, and people I've directed before (Aaron, Michelle)--it's only two people, but it's nice to know that at least two of the bunch know you're only being a jerk to get it done.

But I must say we managed the casting very well and Bansri's push for Alberto and Nicholson as the leads really really worked out well and they fit their roles. And of course, Rosie and Michelle V. are perfect perfect for their roles. In fact, pretty much everyone fits their part well for different reasons. I must say, however, that there is room for improvement in casting as well as all other departments for As You Like It, which I must cut down to size and we must perform live. =O (Internal rhyme!)


And Amanda and I are editing newsletter. Somehow. We haven't been able to really meet on this and start things yet. We'll need to do that. I'm glad that Mr. O'Shaugh. knows we are reliable and can get the job done and done well. We work wonderuflly together.

P.S. I feel like I'm writing more formally. That's probably because I just finished Pride and Prejudice, which is so so excellent. Also, the GazettE is SO good. I am loving them like I love...partially-dried Peeps. =)